Die Kundenberatung ist eine Farce, aber jedesmal wahnsinng lustig.
Meine Mail (nachdem ich mehrmals erfolglos sinnvolle Hilfe zu einem realen Thema erbeten hatte):

"Hey guys,
Potato salad recipe.
I've been looking for it for ages, in fact since my fiftieth birthday!
And here it is.
Ramble, ramble!
They almost chopped her head off.
I don't F++++ care.
The services you provide certainly aren't customer-friendly.

Yours sincerely,
Fahima A."

Die Antwort von Amazon:

"Dear Customer

Thank you for writing to Amazon.de.

I have checked our catalogue for the item[s] that you are looking for. It is in
fact listed, but cannot be bought through Amazon.de directly.

However, you may want to purchase the product[s] from our Marketplace if the
item is listed by one of the sellers for sale.

Here is the link to the item on our website:

===================================================================
http://www.amazon.de/gp/product/0811833372
===================================================================

On that product information page you will see a blue box with "Alle Angebote".

If there are copies available, you will see a blue link with "Neu" (new) or
"Gebraucht" (used) underneath in the box with the text "Kaufen Sie günstiger".

You can also pre-order the item by pressing on the yellow button "Gebraucht
vorgestellen"

We'll ask you to specify the preferred condition, maximum price you are
willing to pay for the item, and length of time you would like to keep
the pre-order open.

We will also ask you to enter a delivery address and payment card
details for this order. As soon as a third-party seller lists an item
that meets your criteria, we will charge your bank account or credit card and
instruct the seller to dispatch the item to you. We'll then send you
an e-mail to let you know that the item is on its way.

Please note that Amazon Marketplace listings are created by sellers
other than Amazon.de. If you buy an item at Amazon Marketplace, the
individual seller will process and dispatch your order. Sellers
generally send items within two business days.

For more information, please visit our Marketplace Help Desk at the
following URL – the text is in German:

http://www.amazon.de/gp/help/customer/display.html?nodeId=886416

Weitzerhin:

Please be assured that we want to provide you with an efficient and satisfactory
service. We apologise for not having met your expectations this time.

We hope that you will not judge our entire service by this single incident and
look forward to serving you more efficiently in future.

I have passed your suggestion on to the appropriate department
in our company for consideration. We always want to know how our
customers react to all aspects of shopping at Amazon.de as this
helps us to continue to improve the selection and service we provide.

We hope you might consider Marketplace as a way to find the items you want.
Thank you for shopping at Amazon.de."

Tz...